it was only just a dream...

I’ve already shown you who I am, what I want to do with my life. For nearly 17 years, you’ve seen what makes me now me. I wish you’d support me.  It’d be a lot easier and I’d be a lot more confident in moving forward to college knowing I had the support of family. I always try my best to avoid talking about my future with you or in front of you, and hesitate before telling anyone what I want to be, in front of you. It’s become so hard to be around the house thinking that when I leave in a year, I don’t know if I’ll have your support. I don’t do everything I do “always [wanting] to be different,” though what’s wrong with being different? I’m a curious guy. Sure it’s not all “practical,” but that’s not all there is. I don’t care about the money. I want to be me. I already know where I want to go, and I’m tired of you trying to change me or not supporting who I am. On one hand it might be in sense, “just a career path,” but more than that, since it is my passion and my uniqueness and interest goes into it, it is who I am. Most of all, though, I’m afraid of how you’ll think of me when I don’t take the path you want me to, esp. since you’ll be paying for my education. I’m afraid of where you and I will stand from there.

Should’ve dealt with them before you had kids. Seriously.

Learn some patience, you’re dealing with humans here, not robots and not God.

And stop treating strangers and friends better than you treat your own kids.

I’m tired of them getting mad when I didn’t do anything wrong.

This guy is getting on my last nerve. He can NEVER admit his mistakes, because he is sooooo perfect and better than me in everything. Gah, this kid right here is gonna get it soon.

You told me to be fair. Now, you tell me to do so many things, and when I say it’s too much, you’re like Life’s not fair. And you’re just as bad as the others. Whatever is a problem in YOU, you turn the whole thing around and say I’m the one with the problem. That’s so sick. You lied to me. Why did you raise with the idea that fairness was the way to go when you would end up saying You’re an adult now. Life’s not fair. Just do what you’re told. I only want to be fair. I’m not counting my responsibilities for the family. I never said I wouldn’t do this or that. I only think it should be equal and fair. And I thought, since you are the ones who taught me and raised with those values, that you would have them, and understand. But I guess not.

You say you don’t understand me. You’re not trying. I’m trying, but you close me out. You say you don’t understand me, but I don’t say I don’t understand you so whatever. I don’t say that. I actually try to understand you. But I never will if you always close me out and are just thinking that you’ll never understand me.

If I overreact it means I care. If I’m affected by what you do or don’t do, by what you say or don’t say, it means I care.  If I give you too much attention, I’m not sorry. I just care.

who think its survival of the fittest. Too many people who are ignorant. Too many people who ask stupid questions just because they’re too lazy.

Sad. Is this really the real world? People who think only about themselves and think if someone else makes a mistake, too bad for them. Oh well. It was their choice. That just makes me so sad. Sounds like giving up. Sounds like hopelessness. A good person cares. That’s what separates us from the animals. We have emotions, we have logic, we have a conscience, we have will.

You don’t hand people their gun and expect them not to use it. You put the guns away.

I decide what’s beautiful, not society. What they decide is beautiful doesn’t mean anything to me.

What I decide is important is a part of me. If you don’t like it, then don’t mind it, because there’s no point in complaining about what YOU think should be (but isn’t). Same thing goes for me.

I don’t care what people say, what people think they know. As long as I got hope in me, nothing can stop me. I will go.

If you think you know me, you probably don’t. If you really do know me, you know you won’t.

I decide my future, no matter how crazy and far it seems. Because at the end of every dark tunnel, is a growing light that, at first, only gleams.

I see ignorance. I see pride. I see traitors who are content that they’ve lied. I see friends, I see foes, but in the end, who knows? Who knows who?

Life’s changing and so is everyone around me. Even though I’ve been scared to, I’ve changed, but that has helped me see what kind of person I have to be.

Not putting up with the problems I face. Whether it be age, religion, sex, or race. Not tolerance. Not passivity. But Acceptance. Understanding. And I understand that no one will completely understand me. Not completely.

My perspective.

Nothing’s perfect. But you’ve got to keep going. Not everything goes your way, but you’ve got to keep going. Not everyone is who you hope they are, but you’ve got to keep going. Not everything goes the way you hope it will, but you’ve got to keep going. Society might not agree with your perspective, but you’ve got to keep going. Why? Because if you don’t, who will? If everyone decides they’ll stop trying because someone else will do it instead, then no one will. I might sound like some sad preacher or some guy who is just complaining a lot about all the problems that only so many care about because they seem so normal or because they’re just how things are or some guy who is just mad at life and everyone and everything. But I’m not. I am addressing reality so everyone knows what I think, and more than that, I’m going to face it, not matter what they think.

If you read this, disregard everything you know or think you know about me. And just listen and try to understand. I wrote this for a reason, right?

Did you not just hear yourself talk right now?